26 of October - The Strange Look in the Akward Room.
I left Helena´s litle house with it´s owner at seven and forty.Today was going to be a loong day, and I knew it, and I was preparing myself mentally for the long journey ahead.
I told Helena if she knew where was the police station, because it was my last day here in München and I had to retrieve my lost Id ticket.She told be there was a Lots&Found office just next to the place where we were going , and I didn´t worry no more.We went to a hip cafe owned by a strong ,modern italian man, who served us 2 lovely sandwiches which I tanked helena for offering me the breakfast, with vapor waves coming out of it, with tomato, melted chese and salami, beautifuly presented in a simple white porcelain plate with a risk of vinegar that looked like chocolate.Not that I didn´t care about how it looked, but with that tastethey could have served that on top of newspapper.Maybe I was a litle hungry because my last dinner yesterday was an apple, but that breakfast went down just thight.I was thinking I wouldn´t eat much in the rest of the day,cuz my food suplies had been depleted in my last travel to münchen, so I ate it like my last meal, just before going to the chair.
I told goodbye to Helena, which gave me her card If I need everything in München(I guess It´s lost by now), and went to the Lost and found Office, Perguntei a pessoas onde era e cheguei la ao office, onde eles disseram que nao tinham informacao sobre a minha carteira, e disseram para eu esquecer ir a policia porque seria como encontrar uma agulha no palheiro, cada esquadra tinha a sua reserva de perdidos e achados e havia milhares em München.
Apanhei o metro ate as saias da cidade.Nao sei porque mas estou sempre mais alerta para o pica quando estou sozinho.O pica nao apareceu e eu fui até uma rua enorme que dava entrada na auto estrada, e comecei a procura de cartão.Nao havia la caixote nenhum e tive de me dirigir a uma perpendicular residencial.tava com azar, os caixotes estavam todos com cadeados.andei uns 700 metros,a suar um pouco e a cansarme,com a mala ja a pesar e finalmente vi uns caixotes do lixo la ao fundo da rua.saquei um cartao longo e escrevi com letras bonitinhas "Rosenheim" .Voltei à estrada principal a pedir boleia à campeäo, à medida que andava na direccäo da auto-estrada, e ao fim da rua quando estava a chegar a estacão de servico uma carrinha apitou para mim e já tinha boleia.
O homem que a ia a conduzir saiu para lavar os vidros primeiro na area de servico e perguntou se eu queria alguma coisa para beber com a simples expressão "Drink?" com um forte sotaque turco,eu ri-me e disse que sim e ele sacou dois rebulles do frigorifico com a sua mão esquerda.Ele era turco,com barba-mosca e não falava ingles, por isso tivemos alguns problemas de comunicacão, mas comunicamos o importante sem problema.Abri o redbull e com o som "Tchhhk!" da abertura da lata o turco arrancou com a carrinha para rosenheim, a uns 100to e poucos kilometros a este de Munique.tivemos uma viagem sussegada na autoestrada, até ao momento que ele ouviu um seu colega no radio ,ficou com uma espressão seria na cara e disse: "polizei, trei kilometre!" and he turned to the national road exit beforehand to not get cought by the police control.We passed by some small german villages built arround churches with towers which were good sniper nests during secondworld war, I guessed.When we got out in one of those villages, 3 kilometers after I heard a loud Burst from below, the truck started moving sobbily and the driver had to make a quick stunt ,parking the truck on the right side of the road.
"Scheize!"he said,impotent.He got out of the truck and started making phonecall.I got out to see what had happened.The right front tyre of the truck was completely fucked up.I went back inside and opened the cover from the midle of the cabin and I found some drinks and some notes of 50 euros.I noticed the trust of the turkish truckdriver when he left me alone in his cabin.I could steal his money just like that, and he would not notice it.But I drew my book out of my backpack and started reading it.
He came in and said that help would come after an hour or so, and he gave me a tangerine to eat.
After 40 silent minutes he said help would only come in half an hour and that he would have to go back to Munich , he wouldn´t go to Rosenheim.I said it was ok, put my things on my back, said goodbye to him and went 50 meter further down the road thumbing,when a expensive jeep stopped in a short while and honked and I went there.
It was the first ride I had got from an "expensive" car driver, and I was a bit suspicious,because usually those drivers dont give rides,But after a"do you speak english?"noe."parla italiano?"no."habla espagnol?" and when he awnsered "sim", I knew that the guy was brazilian, and we started speaking Portuguese.The guy was very nice, he was a dark sknined emigrant living there for 8 years,He had a german wife and said that he didnt speak portuguese for quite a while, and words didnt come as fast as in the past.I said it was the same with me.We laughed.He asked me if I was hungry and if wanted to go to his place to eat something or take a shower, and I said yes.There was an awkward athmosphere sometimes in our talk, but I deduced it was because we didnt speak portugese for quite a while or that we were from two diferent portuguese speaking countries.Often the brazilian have a hard time understanding the Portugese.Jorginho, his name, lived in a village near there.The area was just pure, behind the german alps, with some snow showing here and there,tradicional houses, a big sunny day infecting all surfaces in a million diferent ways.
There was a castle in the vilage, a nice Schloss, and he told me that in the 19th century, a duchess had lost it in just one gambling night.That´s what centuries of incests and luxuries would lead up to.We crossed the village, because he lived 2 km from it.The mountain landscape was just amazing.There was a small snow frost covering the land, with a yellow golden forest with bald trees here and there,fuck, I wish I hadn´t lost my glasses in france so I could see it to the lowermost detail,I said to the man.He giggled and made a short "pfff".
He stoped the car in front of a gate and said we had arrived, and I could only see a nice church."You live here?"I said pointing to the church, incredulously. "Yes,yes, hehe.Thisi wasi a schooll churchi in former nazi taimes, you see dji pond theri was yused to collecte water from dji mountain so they could djrink it"he said with a brazilian accent, while the automatic gate opened.Waaaaw.I couldn´t believe that the guy lived there.we parked in front of the house and I stepped into the snow, and I could see now that the brasilian guy was pretty tall and well built.He opened the big old door of his house and I saw he didnt lock it and just let the key rested there.I felt better.he lifted the baby cat they had and We got to the second floor of the house with few but expensive ornaments and I said to him he lived quite well in this palace "Quite well bad"he replied"Itis cold in tgy winter and very isolayted from djy city".I wouldn´t mind living there.At ALL.Jorginho offered me a pizza, putting it in the oven to unfrost and bake.He went away from the kitchen and brought back an expensive french wine, his boots slowly hitting the dry old woden floor.I saw it wasn ncessary but he offered me a glass anyway and when it was a third full he filled it up again.We talked lightly and when I was started drinking my third glass of wine he asked me if I had any girlfriends.I said I had two, one in portugal and one abroad,I dint know why I had said that, because I had none, but I felt a lot confortable after that."Girlfriendjs or boyfriendjs?"he asked me with a twisted grin.I didnt feel confortable at all now...Was he impliyng I was gay or what?"Girlfriends.GIRLfriends!"I repeated myself, with a manly tone.After a silent awkward moment he said "Houuh, it would be a shamy if you didn´t have any girlyfriendjs" he said to me while playing with his wine and looking at me with his head down.I didn´t roger that.I drank a bit more and he quickly poured more into my fancy cup.The oven was humming monotony when he sudently said "You siee, I have a woman but I don´t care, for me both sexes are the same" In that moment I felt like a grenade had just blown up besides me.
Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...
"I like men".
PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....
I couldn´t think but I kept cool.Man, that guy wants to fuck me!It all made sense now. After he said" I don know how will you react now, because some people don´t react really well to this".
"no, for me it´s ok, We have to respect other people and their ways and beliefs.Homosexuality is a natural thing, people are born already with their sexuality defined."-I said truthfully and with confidence, but hiding a litle sense of unrestlessness inside.
"Haaa, okey.Have you ever tried it?"he said , with a hoping look on his face.
"No i didn´t......Actually I have tried it when I was litle, and I didn´t like it AT ALL"I said after thinking twice just to take out of his mind his erotic ideas.Shit.That guy wanted to FUCK ME.fuck me!And I was alone with him in his house, now a bit dizzy from the wine.I got a litle unconfortable and paranoid,and I started cheking for defence weapons everywhere, for if the alchool would went up to his brain and he decided to aproach me with more-than-friend intencions.Ok. knife on the top of the table, rolling pin in the drawer, Ho! two axes in a frame in the hallway!
Now that I was feeling more safe and less paranoid, I asked him if he didn´t mind if I drew him, he said ok because he had sometime in the afternoon after going back to the city to do some stuff, so we went to his livingroom, with lot´s of rococo furniture and expensive leopart oil paintings, big crystal chandeleers and a radiant light hitting half of our faces from outside, creating a nice contrast to draw.
I began drawing him in an A4 and we began talking.He was looking at me weird when I was drawing him, and he kept licking his lips.Sheee-it.I just wanted o finish that and go away, but somehow the wine gave me confort.He said the pizza was ready,he would go pick it up and because he had a narrow way to go through he almost rubbed his butt in my face.Wow!No-no.He brought me the pizza and he sat again, and I premeditating carefully swerved ,not to get hit in the face by his butt.When my wine was out he kept pouring more and I was thinking, fuck it,Haha, I´ll get drunk and forget about it, but then he kept pushing me and sayng "Hoouh, but you havy to try agaain to see if you like it!". I gulped the wine.He was testing me to see if the wine was enough for me to say yes.I kept awnsering him negatively.No can do.He got sadder again and he asked no more and then we talked kinda talked normally, and I could see he was just a lonely guy here in Germany, the germans had put him apart because him being black and emigrant, he talked with pratically nobody and his brazilian peers were the worse, when he was ilegal in the country they wanted to snitch him out to the police to fuck him up.Then he got married with his wife half by interest half by love, and he said in Brazil marriages were playfull, "brincadêra"-he said.
I finished eating my pizza and started to finish the drawing, sayng to him that his eyes looked quite sad always, almost as if he had a permanet tier in his eyes.He said peple werre always sayng that.I finished the drawing and he liked very much, although I though I could have done better.I finished my fourth glass of wine and finished the litle rest in the bottle.Let´s go?I said to him.He said Ok.On the way out he kindly asked if I wanted a chocolate to go on the trip, I said yes and he gave me one.When we wered driving to the service station, near the castle he said "HO, i´m so sorry, I forgot my wallet, we have to go back"-"No problem!"I said, with the wine laughing for me.When he went back, he searched in the back seat and found out that the wallet was there.He asked for forgiveness"No problem, happens to everybody!".
And then he rode me to the service station, and I shook his hand sayng it was nice to have met him, and I was being sincere.I think it was quite good experience, and I wont be so paranoid and with prejudices in my head next time I meet a bi or gay guy.
I was half drunk there, and realised I had to hurry for a ride before th sun goes to the other side of the planet.I had to piss, but they chrged 50 cent for a bathroom there.That´s Cowshit.I should have pissed in from of the bathroom so they could learn not to charge money for a portuguese to piss, but I went to the back of th building, watering the trees.
I started "Autoschtoping" as they say and an Austrian guy picked me up, kinda sinister, kinda nice , kinda old, kinda cool.He was 50 years old and he was coming back from holland.He said he could let me 90 kilometers from there in a big service station near the border.
when I arrived there I had still 1 hour till the sun goes down.
There weren´t many people there, so I started asking people for a ride.I got to a family and a sked a guy if he could pick me up.he noticed I had an accent and awnsered me in portuguese.He asked me in my born language if I had a drivers license there, I said no and he explained to me his situation:He was driving his truck with his romanian friends when the police seized his driver´s licence, and he couldn´t go any further.He asked me if I had a telephone so he could call his friends and I said sure.I standed there with them and the romanina man offered me cigarettes which I gently refused and then the romanian woman asked me "Coffe?" I said ok and she brought me a litle coffe whih she said was for 2 and a half euros.The portuguese guy ended his call sayng they only would come tomorrow, and asked me if he could call his mother.He was 10 minutes tryng to dial her number and then I helped him with the indicative, but she didn´t awnsered anyway.He was a simpatic emigrant and said if i didn´t get a lift I could sleep in their van.I thanked him.
It was getting dark and cold and I had to hitchhike.
I put my "kona"wollen hat and my thick black jacket turned upsidedown so it was white to improve my chances of getting a ride, went to the end of the complex .Where the biforked road would unite I was there, hithhikingt with the right tumb when cars coming from the right and vice versa, always clumsily reading a book while doing it.I didn´t read it at all.
Got dark and colder and didn´t like the situation.Somebody called and was his brother.I told him to hold on , I runned to macdonalds where he was but he had already hung up.I was with 3 cents on the celephone, but I said anyway for him to keep the telephone, if I get a ride I wold come to get it.
Got back to the spot, and after some frosty forthy minutes a guy stopped fter me!Hurray!!"Just one minute!I will run to get my phone back!"-I told the guy without knowing if weather he spoke english.I joyfully runned like a cheetah up the hil to catch my high tech resistless prey.I asked if his brother had called and he said now, I said I had a lift and We greeted eachother adn told good luck mutually.I runned even faster to the car,going cooler at the end when I saw they were still there.I put my stuff at the back of the car and off we went to Vienna.The guys were hungarian, were going to Budapest and didnt speak much of inglish.We were in the other side of Austria, we would need 3 and a half hours to get to wien.I was really exausted so I took a nap.When I woke up, i cleaned the drible line with the back of my hand, and took me a litle while to realize I was in Vienna ALreaDY!They droped me off at a macdonald´s in the outskirts of the town. Walked a bit and asked a policeman for the train, it was right in front.It was coming in 15 minutes and I had some time to chill out.I saw cnnabis posters and cannabis tea drinks from Swiss in a drinking vending machine , wtf?22 oclock.When I hoped in on the train,the center was further away then I though, it took 12 stops to get there.Jakob texted me sayng to get out in Karlsplaty and take the green line subway to Landstraße.And so I did.No one in the streets.
When I arrived to the station and climbed up the stairs, there he was , with arms on his sides, and made a look of surprise and waved his arms up like a marionete.Jakob was 6 foot tall college student that was studying in Wien as an Electrical Engeneer,and he talked exitedly and tremblingly about how he saw a portuguese guy needed shelter in Vienna group forum and how he had to return the hospitality that he had recieved in Portugal, so he said I could come there.He had recently moved to the city, he had lived in the countryside all his life.He seemed a bit geeky, but he was a cool kind of one, as I got to know him after.
We climbed his old building till the third floor.he said he payed a third of the rent others payed, because it belonged to his ancle and he had an old contract with the landlord because he couldn´t change it.He prepared me a nice english breakfast for dinner.we ate it vigurously while talking.I asked if he had any siblings, and he sadly said no, frowning he bent his head.I asked why his parents didn´t wasnt to have any more children and then he stopped hidding and told me:The day before today, on the national independence day of Austria, 26 of October, His litle sister of 16 was runned over by a train.His eyes were watered and nervously twitching as he spoke and he was raged when speaking about this and I could see he was still struggling with himself over the loss of her sister still.Shit.I had touched in a wound that hadn´t been healed.Wow I though,I don´t know what I would do if my litle-big brother died.He said that the train company wanted to state it has suicide and charge the family with huge amounts of money for the cleaninga and other bills, but they proved it otherwise, but still Jakob was very pissed off by the way the train company had proceded.He never took the train again .He said he felt a lot of rage if he did so, he only wanted to destroy the machine.An akward silence felt upon the room.He looked at me with sad, akward eyes and I didn´t know what to do.I slowly tryed to get the conversation litgher, and when I asked him about his travels he slowly began telling me his adventures. we talked till 2 in the morning about Portugal,he was very fascinated and had gone there twice, I was impressed h could understand so well the portuguese written language, he had studied latin had that was a major help.We talked about my trip, his girldfriend and his not-so-nice second trip to Portugal with her.
He showed me my room and I slept like a dead fly there.
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